Fiction Useless Inventions
The Car Horn That Says Sorry
A hobbyist decided the loudest button in the car should also be able to apologise, so he gave the horn a second, much smaller voice.
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Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Ants Complete Bridge Three Days Ahead of Schedule
The crossing was built out of the workforce itself, opened to traffic before it was finished, and will be dismantled by walking away.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Sheep Issue Statement on Being Counted
The flock has confirmed it is aware of the practice, considers the figures broadly accurate, and would like the jumping to stop.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Museum Rope for the Home
Two brass posts and a length of burgundy velvet rope, for cordoning off the one corner of your house that is currently tidy.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Penguins Announce Standing Rota
Under the new arrangement, everybody takes a turn on the outside of the huddle, and nobody is to mention how long anyone else has been in the middle.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Considerate Vacuum
A vacuum cleaner that stops the instant anybody in the room begins to speak, so that it never once interrupts, and therefore never once finishes.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Fox Returns Single Shoe, Offers No Explanation
The boot was taken from the doorstep in June. It came back to the same doorstep in September, cleaned and facing the house.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Weather Doormat
A handsome coir mat with a small display in the corner, which tells you, as you come in, exactly what the weather was doing an hour ago.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Bees Vote to Keep the Hive Exactly as Warm as It Was
After a full day of consultation involving every worker in the colony, the hive has resolved to maintain thirty-five degrees, as it has every year since the hive existed.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Hedgehog Completes Census of One Garden
Four nights of fieldwork, one garden, and a final count of every slug, step and gap under the fence, published in full to an audience of nobody.