Sheep Issue Statement on Being Counted

A flock of forty-one sheep has issued its first public statement on the long-standing human practice of counting sheep in order to fall asleep. The statement was read aloud on Saturday morning from the bench beside the village green by a local resident, who had agreed to act as spokesperson, while three members of the flock stood nearby to make sure it was read correctly. The flock confirms that it has known about the arrangement for some time and has no objection to it in principle.

On the question of accuracy, the flock describes the figures as broadly fair. It notes that most human counters lose track somewhere in the twenties and start again from one, which the sheep say they find flattering rather than insulting, since it means they are being counted more often. The flock added that being counted is among the least demanding duties it performs, and that it compares very favourably with being moved between fields in the rain.

The objection concerns the jumping. In the human version of the practice, each sheep is required to clear a low wooden fence, one after another, for as long as the counter remains awake. The flock says this is neither necessary nor representative. A spokesewe stated that sheep will walk around a fence given any reasonable opportunity, that the fence appears to have been added by people, and that no member of the flock has ever agreed to it, in writing or otherwise.

The flock has proposed an amended version in which the sheep simply stand in a field and are counted where they are. It argues that this is more accurate, far less tiring for everyone involved, and, in its own long experience, extremely good for sleep. The resident reading the statement reported that by the end of the second page two of the three sheep had lain down, which the flock considers strong supporting evidence. The third was eating the statement.

The joke rests on a habit almost everyone has heard of. Counting sheep is one of the best-known tricks for getting to sleep, and it works, when it works, because it is dull in exactly the right way: simple, repetitive and just interesting enough to keep other thoughts out. Many people find that any slow, steady task will do the same job, whether it is counting breaths, listing animals from A to Z or picturing a quiet walk in careful detail.

So if you are lying awake tonight, you are welcome to count sheep, but you might consider the flock’s request. There is no need for a fence, and no need for anyone to jump. Picture a calm green field, a few woolly shapes standing about in the evening light, and count them slowly, exactly where they are. The sheep would prefer it, and there is every chance that you will drift off long before you reach forty-one.